The year 2009 has been a long one for us. Very long. We have spent more than 7 months away from each other
A week ago I booked your's and your mom's tickets for joining me here in Laguna Hills, California. Also that of your grandfather, that is my father, Ramnarayan
Mithun mama is set to join us in his Christmas break. He is currently enrolled in Columbia University in New York for a PhD program in Chemical Engineering
Nowadays the thoughts running in my mind are
- my billing rate is quite less here, and I am in the costliest state of USA
- I need to hang on to this contract, and pray that CIR, Comprehansive Immiogration Reform, happens when I am still employed; in the very least, get my visa extended next year (3 years, I am hoping, as I am hearing from friends they don't extend the full 3 years any more)
- My work load is increasing at a very uncomfortable rate. But somehow I find things easy after the initial anxiety of having to learn tons of new things
- The silent countdown in my mind for Dec 24th, the Christmas eve when you are about to come here
Whenever I lie in bed, or simply daydreaming at my office desk, I get the visions of all your little antics your mom tells me about. My imagination plays you in my mind just like a movie. And then I imagine the moments when I will see you in the airport. Will your mom be carrying you, or will you be walking by her? Or will you be riding on the luggage trolley? Or will your grandfather be carrying you?. Will I see you first, or you will see me? Of course you may not be expecting to see me. You are bound to be distracted by all the people around you, or tired from the journey. Perhaps you have a poopy diaper which your mom found too much to handle in the landing flight. I must remember to keep a bunch of diapers in the car. And bring the coats and whatever sweaters I have. The weather is turning chilly
I imagine what are the things I would do once I get you here. I will have a chance to show my dad around this country. I must brace myself for a ton of questions
Even you have started to speak, and God alone knows what ideas are there in your naughty little head
I visualize our times together, picking you up and cradling you with love. Your mom told me you say "daddy daddy" often. I am somewhat touched that your little mind carries my information even after missing me for more than 25% of your life. I abruptly remember these things and sometimes a tear slids from my eyes. I apologize aloud to you as I ride in the car on my way back from work. I am so sorry I could not be with you for so long. But then, things happen in the real life, and not everyone is blessed to have the most ideal conditions. And, one can succeed even without them
Today is, Dec 2, 2009. You turned 2 about 10 days back. You have officially left infanthood. Welcome to childhood.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
A little something about me
Dear little one
In this letter I want to tell you about myself. But let me remind you - you don't have to start using this information until you are ready. And when you are ready you wont need to be told. It will all enter automatically
I am writing about this topic, because at times (when I was in my teens and twenties) I have felt the need to know certain things about my own father - that was the time I needed the information!
Your father was as a person who, caught by circumstance, was unable to navigate through the early part of his life in the most efficient way. As I see it now, the big turning point was when he failed to get 50% score in his graduation
However, all that did to him was to make his life more interesting. When I close my eyes for a minute and imagine, that I had top-scored at all levels, studied in the best colleges, got picked off the campus for the most plum job - I end up waking up feeling like, naa .. too easy.. I am made for tougher stuff
Now - that's deep. I don't expect you to understand the above. Many adults today as grown up as me would fail to understand it, and some would never understand it ever in their lifetimes
This is just the variance of human nature. All humans are not created in this world optimized to score good marks and take on plum jobs. Each one is motivated by a different goal. Let me give you a better example than myself, the world's most famous college drop-out today
This person's name is Bill Gates. He is the founder of the world's biggest company, Microsoft. There are a couple of incidents I have heard of / read about him. One, when he was a young boy of around 5, and one when he was in his teens. The first one was, once he approached a stranger holding a piggy bank in his hands. Said he to the stranger: If you lend me $5 today, when I am grown up I will use all the money I have collected from people like you to build a company. At that time I will give you a 2% stake of it
At 35 years of age, I have by now seen people from a few walks of life. Bill Gates adds to my experience. I now compare my life with others, and have been able to draw a few insights of how my life could have been better or worse
People like Mr. Gates have early childhood knowledge of how businesses are built. They have been in that environment. They know how things work, or in the process of knowing. As for you, it would depend on how soon what is said here makes sense and "click"'s in your brain. Of course, there are many other factors, as merely by reading this and understanding it, the "environment" will not be created for you auto-magically
Coming to the second fact about Bill Gates. As a teenager he worked in a summer in a library. This librarian later describes - that as a boy Mr. Gates had a compulsive habit of arranging things - he would classify, sort and arrange books very, very meticulously.
People exist in this world who are experienced enough to know a child's destiny by just observing him. I reckon such people distilled their knowledge by such study and knowledge
This has grown to be a long letter. And I have hardly begun telling you about myself. Actually I am feeling a bit ashamed now talking about myself. Let me close it here and take it piece-meal. You already have too much to process in your mind
- Your most loving pappa
In this letter I want to tell you about myself. But let me remind you - you don't have to start using this information until you are ready. And when you are ready you wont need to be told. It will all enter automatically
I am writing about this topic, because at times (when I was in my teens and twenties) I have felt the need to know certain things about my own father - that was the time I needed the information!
Your father was as a person who, caught by circumstance, was unable to navigate through the early part of his life in the most efficient way. As I see it now, the big turning point was when he failed to get 50% score in his graduation
However, all that did to him was to make his life more interesting. When I close my eyes for a minute and imagine, that I had top-scored at all levels, studied in the best colleges, got picked off the campus for the most plum job - I end up waking up feeling like, naa .. too easy.. I am made for tougher stuff
Now - that's deep. I don't expect you to understand the above. Many adults today as grown up as me would fail to understand it, and some would never understand it ever in their lifetimes
This is just the variance of human nature. All humans are not created in this world optimized to score good marks and take on plum jobs. Each one is motivated by a different goal. Let me give you a better example than myself, the world's most famous college drop-out today
This person's name is Bill Gates. He is the founder of the world's biggest company, Microsoft. There are a couple of incidents I have heard of / read about him. One, when he was a young boy of around 5, and one when he was in his teens. The first one was, once he approached a stranger holding a piggy bank in his hands. Said he to the stranger: If you lend me $5 today, when I am grown up I will use all the money I have collected from people like you to build a company. At that time I will give you a 2% stake of it
At 35 years of age, I have by now seen people from a few walks of life. Bill Gates adds to my experience. I now compare my life with others, and have been able to draw a few insights of how my life could have been better or worse
People like Mr. Gates have early childhood knowledge of how businesses are built. They have been in that environment. They know how things work, or in the process of knowing. As for you, it would depend on how soon what is said here makes sense and "click"'s in your brain. Of course, there are many other factors, as merely by reading this and understanding it, the "environment" will not be created for you auto-magically
Coming to the second fact about Bill Gates. As a teenager he worked in a summer in a library. This librarian later describes - that as a boy Mr. Gates had a compulsive habit of arranging things - he would classify, sort and arrange books very, very meticulously.
People exist in this world who are experienced enough to know a child's destiny by just observing him. I reckon such people distilled their knowledge by such study and knowledge
This has grown to be a long letter. And I have hardly begun telling you about myself. Actually I am feeling a bit ashamed now talking about myself. Let me close it here and take it piece-meal. You already have too much to process in your mind
- Your most loving pappa
Notes to Anushka
My dear little one
I want to maintain with you a log about you - your bringing up, your childhood, the incidents and events, the thoughts and feelings - and the various stages of your growing up
Your father, that is me, is not very good at maintaining this sort of habit (of writing regular logs), or forming ANY habit. So please take it as part of my nature, if my letters (such as this) to you is infrequent. Perhaps writing these would help me to learn how to form a habit
It's been 20 months already since you were born. When you were born you were a tiniest little human I ever held in my trembling hands. And all you were good for was to drink milk, poop, cry (a very sweet sound it was) and sleep. And you were totally clueless of anything in this world and all you ever understood is our (your parents') soothing touch, your mom's singing, and my cradling. Certainly, love has no barriers
As a first-time father my first few months with you has been the most memorable, even though at 20 months too you are very tough competition :-)
I have you to thank, for getting over my nervousness with little ones. And as we go on, I hope I overcome my shyness with people of all ages, and finally coming to a more thorough understanding of what a human is like
A lot of what I say might not make sense to you. But don't let that worry you. There is a purpose of writing to you all manner of things. I want these notes to be timeless. You can come back to it at any point of life and find something new in it that you haven't understood before. In fact, at each point of your life you may have a different meaning for what I say here. This will only make your life more interesting, and I hope it will help you hone the depth of your thinking
I will conclude this letter here. The purpose of this letter is just an introduction - like a preface to a book. I am hoping you will form a habit of reading. Reading books is good, because it helps you maintain concentration, gives you an imaginative mind and makes you more intelligent. Being knowledgeable is just a by-product, but nevertheless a good-to-have!
Your daddy
I want to maintain with you a log about you - your bringing up, your childhood, the incidents and events, the thoughts and feelings - and the various stages of your growing up
Your father, that is me, is not very good at maintaining this sort of habit (of writing regular logs), or forming ANY habit. So please take it as part of my nature, if my letters (such as this) to you is infrequent. Perhaps writing these would help me to learn how to form a habit
It's been 20 months already since you were born. When you were born you were a tiniest little human I ever held in my trembling hands. And all you were good for was to drink milk, poop, cry (a very sweet sound it was) and sleep. And you were totally clueless of anything in this world and all you ever understood is our (your parents') soothing touch, your mom's singing, and my cradling. Certainly, love has no barriers
As a first-time father my first few months with you has been the most memorable, even though at 20 months too you are very tough competition :-)
I have you to thank, for getting over my nervousness with little ones. And as we go on, I hope I overcome my shyness with people of all ages, and finally coming to a more thorough understanding of what a human is like
A lot of what I say might not make sense to you. But don't let that worry you. There is a purpose of writing to you all manner of things. I want these notes to be timeless. You can come back to it at any point of life and find something new in it that you haven't understood before. In fact, at each point of your life you may have a different meaning for what I say here. This will only make your life more interesting, and I hope it will help you hone the depth of your thinking
I will conclude this letter here. The purpose of this letter is just an introduction - like a preface to a book. I am hoping you will form a habit of reading. Reading books is good, because it helps you maintain concentration, gives you an imaginative mind and makes you more intelligent. Being knowledgeable is just a by-product, but nevertheless a good-to-have!
Your daddy
To my friends
Our significance in this universe is something like a microbe on a dust particle in the dark space in the closet of the Bedroom of God. Yet life is full of meaning and there is much to be gleaned from it as we see from our own eyes
No viewpoint in this universe in insignificant. To give a literal example, ever tried finding that contact lens from the viewpoint of an ant? Yes, you could see that big glass boulder allright shining back at the bathroom bulb
The purpose of the blog is to find the human-ness in me, my similarity to other people. I spent too much time trying to be different. But now I know you cant be similar even if you wished
So, I invite you into what I sincerely hope will be an intellectually stimulating endeavor finding the meaning of life and unravel its mysteries
No viewpoint in this universe in insignificant. To give a literal example, ever tried finding that contact lens from the viewpoint of an ant? Yes, you could see that big glass boulder allright shining back at the bathroom bulb
The purpose of the blog is to find the human-ness in me, my similarity to other people. I spent too much time trying to be different. But now I know you cant be similar even if you wished
So, I invite you into what I sincerely hope will be an intellectually stimulating endeavor finding the meaning of life and unravel its mysteries
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